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National Paul Bunyan Day

Posted June 27, 2017

Mother’s Day…Father’s Day…President’s Day…How many different days of recognition can there possibly be?

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Choose Your Own Adventure: Ubering in Florida

Posted May 16, 2017

You and your friends from college have decided to get together for a reunion in Florida. After three days of fun in the sun, it’s time to go home. You and another friend have flights leaving at the same time, so the two of you decide to share an Uber. Oddly enough, the app shows only one car in the area: “John” in a black Town Car can be there in 10 minutes. If you decide to go with John, keep reading….

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Liam Neeson and Mollies Nipple

Posted May 9, 2017

I think we can all agree that naming a sandstone formation after a nipple creates problems.        

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A Starr is Born

Posted April 20, 2017

Picking a baby name these days is challenging. And with celebrities trying to outdo each other in the “No, my baby’s name is weirder than yours” department, it’s even harder.       

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It’s Not About Being Right…

Posted April 11, 2017

Disagreements happen in every relationship. The trick is to approach them as “thoughtful discussions” rather than obvious situations where one of you is definitely right and one of you is out of his mind. My husband and I successfully use the “thoughtful discussion” technique every time. For example, if he were to say, “Would you like to walk knee-deep in a swamp where there are snakes and alligators?” I would say, “No, that is an utterly stupid question, but we can thoughtfully discuss why you would even ask it.” As always, the most important thing is to focus on the topic at hand and not on who is right and who is wrong. Even when it’s so completely obvious.         

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Laser Cows on Waterbeds

Posted April 4, 2017

“You have to see the laser cows,” my friend says.
“Laser cows?” I ask.
“They sleep on water beds.”

Not a conversation that you have everyday. But this friend of mine is currently going through a Leadership Class. It’s a great program for networking and learning about your community. And learning about laser cows, apparently.          

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The Gila Monster Trail

Posted March 28, 2017

“Sometimes I just like to wander around and get lost.”
These are the words spoken by our guide as we follow him on the Gila Trail in St. George, Utah. For the record, these are not the words you want to hear any guide say. Especially a guide who is being paid for the express purpose of keeping you from getting lost in the first place.

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Where is Potsie Anyway? 

Posted March 22, 2017

If you are under 40, please stop reading. If you continue, you’ll realize I am talking about the television show “Happy Days” and you will say something like, “I remember my parents talking about that show,” or “Was that in black and white?” and I will be sad. If you are over 40, please keep reading because I love you just because you are old.

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Forget Flowers, Say it with Floor Mats

Posted March 16, 2017

Marriage is challenging. So, before you get hitched, take time to discuss with your future spouse the important nuances that go hand in hand with creating a life together. For instance: money, children, faith, the importance of keeping the toilet seat down, and, of course, holidays. Be sure not to limit the conversation to things like, “My parents will insist on Thanksgiving” or “Of course we are celebrating Flag Day, what are you, a communist?” Make sure you talk about holiday gifts.

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Which Came First, the Chicken or the Sex?

Posted March 8, 2017

“I know which came first, the chicken or the egg,” the fourth grader says.
“Oh?” I say.
“What chicken?” asks the first grader. Apparently, he was not informed that there was a burning question to be solved.

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To Cheese or not to Cheese

Posted February 28, 2017

Bob Harper had a heart attack! Bob Harper, as in trainer extraordinaire for 17 seasons of “Biggest Loser!”  Aren’t we all just royally screwed if one of the world’s most famous diet and exercise gurus has a heart attack?

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The Six Second Rule 

Posted February 23, 2017

The first time I gave in to the idea of having pets was with the 12 cent goldfish. I liked to think of it as a “rescue fish.” We rescued him from a pet store aquarium.

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I Can See Russia From my Teen’s Closet

Posted January 8, 2017

It is a scientifically proven fact that a teenager can be unbothered by up to 4 inches of miscellaneous dust, dirt, cookie crumbs, pencil lead, used contacts, and Hershey Kiss wrappers covering their floor. If a teen resorts to vacuuming, you need to perform CSI analysis on what was sucked up.

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Friends Don’t Let Friends Enter Bikini Contests

Posted January 6, 2017

The month of January usually starts out like all of us do: full of good intentions and enthusiasm, fireworks, bubbly. And Mariah Carey memes.

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Raisin’ Boys

Posted January 5, 2017

At three months, my baby was supposed to be able to spot a raisin on his tray. At four months, he was supposed to pick it up. At six months he would graduate to throwing it with pinpoint accuracy at the dog. And at one year, he would be able plant it and start his own raisin farm. Each month, I would put a raisin on my child’s tray hoping for success. Each month the raisin would remain untouched. Both of my babies were abysmal raisin failures.

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The Mono-Taskers

Posted January 4, 2017

Like most women, I am a multi-tasker. This is not a point of pride but rather a testament to survival. It comes from living with children. If I answer the phone, someone will suddenly need a splinter removed or have to have a dozen cookies baked within the hour. If I try to use the bathroom, the smoke detector will go off and someone will claim they weren’t doing anything with the toaster and they have no idea how the play dough got in there. If I try to take a bath…let’s be serious, the bathtub is now used for storing sweaters. This is why the Cialis commercials feature men and women in bathtubs. It speaks to both of our fantasies.

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Layers of Death

Posted January 5, 2017

In my opinion, decorating with taxidermy is a challenge.

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